


I Love Myself, I Hate Myself

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Fraxus [33]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Acceptance, Dark Magic, Darkness, Edolas, Fear, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-12 18:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17472893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Freed's Edolas counterpart is a broken mirror of himself, and he supposed that it stood to reason that the other man would love the part of himself that he feared.





	I Love Myself, I Hate Myself

**Author's Note:**

> A Companion Piece to 'What Rules?'

   Freed had been just as startled as Gajeel when the Iron Dragon-slayer had managed to release him from another section of the lacrima that had broken off, and even now he only had a rough idea of what was going on. The Dragon-slayer barely hanging around long enough to mutter about finding the rest of the guild and to hand over medicine that had allowed him to use his magic, and then he had been gone, leaving the Rune mage alone in a world he didn’t know. Not that it really mattered, because as soon as he had got his bearings, his thoughts had immediately turned to his teammates. The Raijinshuu had just come back from a job the day before and had been relaxing in the guild, which meant that if he had been sucked into this mess, then they had to be here somewhere. Relieved to have a purpose, even as worry about what could have happened to them churned in his stomach he set off, hand on his sword hilt as Gajeel had warned him that Edolas was not the safest place to be.

   At any other time, he would have loved to have had the chance to explore, turquoise eyes darting around and taking in the architecture and the way the people seemed to have adapted to the use of lacrima-based magic. However, he had already barely escaped a clash with some of the army, and it hadn’t taken him long to discover that this world’s Fairy Tail was outlawed. _Of course. I_ seemed that his guild couldn’t avoid trouble no matter what world they were in, and that made him even more concerned about his teammates. They usually were more than capable of defending themselves, but if they were still trapped in a lacrima or if they hadn’t been given the medicine to let them use their magic, his expression tightened.

_Ever…Bickslow, where are you?_

    He had just slipped into a side-alley to avoid another patrol, deciding that discretion was a better idea than trying to fight his way through the city when a hand clamped down on his shoulder from behind, and he barely managed to hold back a startled cry. His nerves were already on edge, and he whirled, wrenching himself free of the gripping hand and drawing his sword in one swift movement, runes already shimmering around its tip. Only to find himself freezing as he found himself facing…himself? He blinked, but the vision didn’t shift in the slightest, and he took an uncertain step backwards. It wasn’t like looking in a mirror, there were visible differences between the pair of them, but at the same time, they were undeniably the same person.

“So you’re the one he was looking for,” Edo-Freed muttered, and there was a hint of something dark and ugly in his tone that made Freed instantly wary, and his fingers tightened around his sword before he blinked. _Someone was looking for him?_

“Who?”

“Not here,” his counterpart muttered, smirking at Freed before turning away and moving off in the opposite direction, only to pause after a few steps to shoot a taunting glance back over his shoulder. “If you want answers you can follow me.”

    That was the last thing that Freed wanted to do. There was something deeply unsettling about Edo-Freed, and not just the fact that it felt like looking into a broken mirror, but he did want answers, and it was clear that the other man had no intention of giving them to him here. Sighing he reluctantly sheathed his weapon, figuring that he should probably show some goodwill towards the other if he were going to be demanding answers, but he maintained a careful distance between them as he followed the other man, ignoring the knowing glances as he focused on trying to memorise the route they were taking. Yet more and more often he found himself studying his counterpart. Taking in the rougher clothes that showed evidence of hard fighting, more like what Laxus would wear than his own dress code, and the hair which was shorter and choppier than his own, although he was relieved in a way to see the familiar cowlicks.

   However, the most significant difference that he could sense even at this distance was the wildness and darkness that cloaked his counterpart. Freed had always spent a large part of his energy keeping his darkness under wraps, it was why he lived so strictly by his rules, wanting to do everything in his power to hide that part of himself. But the man in front of him…the darkness was practically a visible aura around him, although it didn’t seem like it controlled him and he couldn’t help the kernel of envy that formed in his stomach. _He can control it? He can use the darkness properly?_ Laxus and the others had encouraged him to try and learn to use it, but he while he could to a certain extent, he was too frightened to let it out completely or to become one with it. _But this man…this version of me…has learnt to do just that._

   He was brought out of his thoughts as he was led into a small, run-down house, once again emphasising the differences between them as he glanced around the empty rooms, at odds with his own flat which was filled to the brim with books. _Who is he?_ He politely refused the offered seat, not wanting to make himself any more vulnerable around Edo-Freed who hadn’t stopped watching him since they’d arrived, and Freed felt himself shifting nervously from foot to foot. There was something intrusive about that dark stare, that made it feel like everything was being stripped away from him, leaving him feeling open and vulnerable.

“W-who was looking for me?” He wanted to curse as his voice cracked slightly, unable to understand what it was about the other man that made him feel like this and not helped by the smirk that had appeared in response to his waver. “You…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Edo-Freed cut across him, rising smoothly from his seat, and the same darkness that had been present in the alley was visible in his eyes once more. “He’s long gone, and I’m more interested in you, or should I say me?”

“What do you…?”

“You fear it don’t you?” Edo-Freed demanded as he stalked forward, and Freed found himself backing up slightly, his hand slipping away from the hilt of his sword. His eyes widening as he found himself colliding with the wall, and he stiffened when the other man came to a halt a short distance away, turquoise eyes raking across him as a predatory smirk crossed his face. “The darkness…” Freed stilled at those words, seeing for the first time the same darkness in the other man’s gaze and he swallowed nervously, unable to stop himself from hunching in on himself defensively.  “I knew it, for all our differences, there’s no escaping from that. He said you were completely different, but he clearly doesn’t know just how deep our darkness goes.” The last bit was barely a whisper, and Freed had a feeling that he wasn’t meant to have heard it, but it didn’t matter as all he could focus on was the first part of the other’s words.

_‘You fear it don’t you? The darkness…’_

“I…” Freed couldn’t actually deny it, he had long since learnt how to use his darkness, how to bend it to his will as another tool with which to defend his teammates, and to defend Laxus. But he had never lost his fear of it, his fear of what it was capable of doing if it ever took control of him, and he found himself unable to hold the other’s knowing stare any longer. However, strong fingers caught his chin, stopping him from looking away and he found himself blinking as Edo-Freed closed the distance between them, his breath catching at the strange look in the other’s eyes. _He doesn’t have callouses. He doesn’t fight in the same way as I do,_ was the only thought he could marshal with any real coherence as Edo-Freed pressed against him.

_Who is he…?_

_Who am I?_

“You shouldn’t fear it,” Edo-Freed whispered, breath ghosting over his ear and Freed couldn’t stop himself from shivering at the sensation, biting his lip as fingers came up to trail across his cheek. He wanted to pull away, finding the darkness in the man in front of him even more terrifying than his own, but he found himself unable to move. Staring as though enthralled as Edo-Freed continued, soft words washing over him. “This darkness it makes us strong, stronger than most people ever realise. Why should we fear something like that?”

“But…” Freed protested weakly, remembering his parent’s fear when they had first realised the darker undertones to his script magic, and the number of people who had turned him away when they had seen the darkness in his eye. Then there were the times he had lost control of his transformation and come frighteningly close to hurting the Raijinshuu and Laxus. The times when Laxus had been forced to fight him, just to bring him back to himself, something that he knew haunted the Lightning mage even though he would never admit to it.  “I…” _I do fear it. I fear what it can do, and what it can take from me._

“You should love it,” Edo-Freed was too close now, and Freed’s eyes widened as the other pressed a rough kiss to his forehead, a shiver working through him as he felt the darkness from both of them rising and merging. He could almost see it now, a tangible shadow forming around them and he squeezed his eyes shut, recoiling and pressing himself back into the wall as he felt the part of him that he feared most rising higher and higher until he wasn’t sure he had control of it anymore.

_I can’t love this darkness…_

_I fear it…I hate it…I’m sorry…_


End file.
